It's hard to hear it when you're living through it, but the first three months are by far the toughest and it does get better. So many things go through a new mom's head and I was shocked at what other moms never talk about. The biggest thing I found moms don't really talk about was the post-partum anxiety/depression. I was miserable the first week home, crying all the time, trying to successfully pump, waking up every 2-3 hours to pump, can't go to the store now because in an hour I have to pump. Just like that, pumping consumed my every thought. On top of that, Xavier wasn't around me (he was in the NICU for about 2 weeks) so I had no desire to pump. It was the longest week of my life. Finally, after being tortured long enough, we agreed I would stop pumping/breast feeding. Most moms feel inadequate after deciding this and quickly enter a state of depression, but I was so relieved and excited that Steve took me out for a glass of wine! Finally, I didn't have to think about anything I was putting in to my body!! And I no longer had to slave away at the sink washing pump parts all day long. It was a wonderful feeling.
Xavier finally came home and it was difficult to get used to the new routine. The first few nights, I was afraid to sleep for fear I wouldn't hear the baby cry. I now understand why there is such a thing as maternity leave. However, it didn't affect me mentally, like depression-wise, I was just always tired and worn out. But, I quickly learned to take naps during the day when he slept. My routine with him was to change his diaper, feed him 2-4 ounces, burp him, hold him upright for 15 minutes so he wouldn't spit it up, play with him as long as he could stay awake (usually just a half hour to an hour), put him down for a nap, then do it all over again when he woke up. I did this routine 7 or 8 times every 24 hour period. It really begins to drain on you because it's all you do, all day long, over and over, and your baby can't give you any response that you're doing a great job taking care of him/satisfying all his needs! He can't smile or interact with you at all. But, somehow I got through it. I tried my hardest to enjoy being off work and being a "Stay At Home Mom" the short period it lasted. I took walks with him around the neighborhood, we went on stroller rides at the mall, and would visit Daddy at work. It's important to take advantage of all the time your baby sleeps during the first few months. Take him on stroller rides, out to restaurants, anywhere! There are lots of opinions on how long you should wait before letting your little one leave the house. We took him outside when he was 2 weeks old. But no one was allowed to touch him without washing their hands up until he was 3 months old.
Our daily routine consisted of the 3 hour cycle I mentioned above. During his very short "awake" times, we would read stories, lay tummy down on the boppy pillow, play with rattles, I'd lay him down in the swing or bouncer, or I'd let him look at black and white designs for baby stimulation, found here or here. It was fun watching him focus on these for the first time!
For extra help on things you can do during the day, download the Babycenter app to your phone. It gives you daily tips on games you can play, where your baby might be developmentally, funny quotes, etc. This app helped me feel more confident.
Our bedtime routine the first few months was kind of hit or miss. We only gave Xavier a real bath once a week, sometimes twice, but for that second bath that week we wouldn't use soap. Xavier started to get this scaling type thing happen to him where he "shed a layer of skin" as my pediatrician put it, and he had a little bit of cradle cap, too. We didn't want the soap to dry him out or interfere too much. We cured cradle cap with baby oil and a soft brush. Around 1 month, we started using the white noise on the sound machine, feeding him a bottle, and zipping him up in a sleep sack when we put him down.
Our daily routine consisted of the 3 hour cycle I mentioned above. During his very short "awake" times, we would read stories, lay tummy down on the boppy pillow, play with rattles, I'd lay him down in the swing or bouncer, or I'd let him look at black and white designs for baby stimulation, found here or here. It was fun watching him focus on these for the first time!
For extra help on things you can do during the day, download the Babycenter app to your phone. It gives you daily tips on games you can play, where your baby might be developmentally, funny quotes, etc. This app helped me feel more confident.
Our bedtime routine the first few months was kind of hit or miss. We only gave Xavier a real bath once a week, sometimes twice, but for that second bath that week we wouldn't use soap. Xavier started to get this scaling type thing happen to him where he "shed a layer of skin" as my pediatrician put it, and he had a little bit of cradle cap, too. We didn't want the soap to dry him out or interfere too much. We cured cradle cap with baby oil and a soft brush. Around 1 month, we started using the white noise on the sound machine, feeding him a bottle, and zipping him up in a sleep sack when we put him down.
When Xavier was about 2 months old, I started to think about going back to work. That's when the anxiety set in. It hit me like a big COTA bus. How was I going to go back to work when the baby wakes me up every 3 hours? I won't be able to function. How will I get all my grocery shopping done, the chores, all the other things we regularly do AND take care of the baby. It made me absolutely crazy worrying about this. So much that I had to see my doctor about it.
I still remember that first doctor's visit. It was one of my lowest points. I couldn't get Xavier to eat his bottle, he dropped such a huge #2 that it blew out and onto his clothes and onto my lap, he was crying because he was hungry, and while all this was going on I had to explain to my doctor my symptoms. So, I placed Xavier on the doctor's table and told him I couldn't take care of Xavier right now. I sat in the chair and cried. Luckily, my doctor is wonderful and brought in a nurse to take care of Xavier while I calmed down.
He diagnosed me with post-partum anxiety and said I could seek counseling, take meds, or do a combination of the two. I tried both. He gave me some meds to relieve it. Oh, the side effects of these drugs (awful)!! I tried 3 different ones before I found one I could tolerate. Getting the correct drug cocktail took a lot of time, patience, and lots of crying because I didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Also, I sort of felt like a loser because I needed medication to get back to normal. My counselor recommended I go back to work as soon as possible. That helped big time! Interacting with adults, getting away from the baby, forced to focus on myself was a huge help. It so happened that when I went back to work, Xavier started sleeping 5- 6 hours straight. I was so, so, so lucky.
I still remember that first doctor's visit. It was one of my lowest points. I couldn't get Xavier to eat his bottle, he dropped such a huge #2 that it blew out and onto his clothes and onto my lap, he was crying because he was hungry, and while all this was going on I had to explain to my doctor my symptoms. So, I placed Xavier on the doctor's table and told him I couldn't take care of Xavier right now. I sat in the chair and cried. Luckily, my doctor is wonderful and brought in a nurse to take care of Xavier while I calmed down.
He diagnosed me with post-partum anxiety and said I could seek counseling, take meds, or do a combination of the two. I tried both. He gave me some meds to relieve it. Oh, the side effects of these drugs (awful)!! I tried 3 different ones before I found one I could tolerate. Getting the correct drug cocktail took a lot of time, patience, and lots of crying because I didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Also, I sort of felt like a loser because I needed medication to get back to normal. My counselor recommended I go back to work as soon as possible. That helped big time! Interacting with adults, getting away from the baby, forced to focus on myself was a huge help. It so happened that when I went back to work, Xavier started sleeping 5- 6 hours straight. I was so, so, so lucky.
A couple random observations through this journey of motherhood:
--Just when you start to laugh at yourself because you've eaten a turkey sandwich for lunch the past 5 days in a row, you will find yourself eating the lunch meat right out the deli bag and shoving a piece of bread in your mouth because you don't have the extra eleven seconds to make it into a sandwich.
--Baby product manufacturers need to start making more products than can be opened and closed with one hand. Seriously, when you have a poopy, screaming baby in one hand that only leaves one free hand! Not fun to deal with when trying to keep one hand on the baby on the changing table and open the box of wipes with the other hand and you realize you need a kitchen knife to break through the the gobs and gobs of packaging that seals it. Ugh.
--The human body is truly a work of art. It learns that it can function on only 4 hours of sporadic sleep in a night, with a couple cat naps hear and there.
--The human body is truly a work of art. It learns that it can function on only 4 hours of sporadic sleep in a night, with a couple cat naps hear and there.
The first three months were the roughest of my life. It is not fair that overnight your life changes so drastically. You don't get any preparation for it. Xavier is now 7 months old and I am perfectly fine. Looking back on it, I don't even know who that person was worrying about everything, not able to sleep, scared I'd never be back to who I was again. But, I now realize that whole time I wanted to get back to my old self, I should have been thinking about my new self with a new baby. I now have a new role and it would take some time to get used to that.
See all daily routines here.
See all daily routines here.
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